Tuesday, January 22, 2019

The Resume

This is one of those things that can be very annoying and time consuming to create.  Many girls (and mothers) probably work very hard on it.  Many are insulted at the thought of even having to write one.  Seems that the boys often don't have to.  Simple supply and demand economics, I guess.

So let me save you time.  This is not a personal statement that you are writing to get you into Harvard.  Although, that might not be a bad idea at all.  Hopefully, you are using a shadchan that does more than throw resumes of possible dates who are roughly in the ballpark you are interested in.  I have often heard of guys who have many resumes they are sorting through.  What are they looking for?  Are they actually going to pick a girl based on a few words on the resume?  Maybe, yes!  Almost scary.  I would hope they do some personal checking somehow.

Let's face it - nobody is going to put any negatives on a resume, even if they are easily discovered.  A resume will be the best possible description of the person in question.  How truthful are they?  Good question!  And it is a question that should be asked.  Often, it is more important to ask about what is NOT on the resume.  Hopefully, what is on the resume is not a total fabrication.  If you are going to lie on the resume because that's what people want to see, then you are not helping anyone and could be wasting a lot of people's time.

So what I would suggest is pretty much what you find.  The basic facts - name, address, schooling, family and references.  A section of how they spend their extra time should be included.  Maybe a sentence if there is anything unusual but that should always come across via the shadchan anyways.  Yes, it might be indicative which words someone highlights.  Some people seem to be careful about being too specific so as to be acceptable to the widest possible audience.    

But what would be very helpful if there were standard items scored on a 1-10 scale.  Suggested items: "introverted - extraverted", "easy going - go getter", "low-high maintenance", "balabus/ta" and "growing in Yiddishkeit".  Maybe ones for wanting to be a stay at home mother vs working and there should be something for the guys about minyan attendance and hours per day/week learning.  I would imagine that many shadchanim have these items generally targeted in their head or in their own computer database of people.  And I would also imagine that many people ask these questions when checking someone out anyway.  So why not just get this all out up front.

There is one other section that I would like to see on a resume -  pet-peeves.  I think it would be very useful to both parties to know if someone has a particular problem with people that come late to the date.  Or if someone is a "neat-freak".  This is not a critical item but we are trying to help things move along more easily.  And if this could help someone avoid a bad date, that has a purpose too.  

Lastly, a follow up to something I mentioned above.  It seems that boys often do not need resumes.  I was thinking that if they do shidduchim via resumes, then they should be made to provide one too.  This would teach them an appreciation for what the girls have to go through. Might as well start the dating process with a lesson in sensitivity. It might come in handy in a marriage.


  1. all your ideas and suggestions are good, but I think the resume is just a starting point anyway, so nothing on it is really all that important (except for maybe the picture :-) ). I am sure that just about everybody in this system is not taking anything on the resume without a grain or bucket of salt and will actually base everything on what they find out during their investigations. The resume is only good to determine whether to bother checking or just say no outright.

  2. Funny you should mention 'the picture'. See my next post.